Today I had a house full of poly people for a waffle brunch. Half of them I had never met. It went really well.
I was relieved that Mrs. A didn’t come. She and Special Man Friend have been broken up almost a month. Almost. Actually, she broke up with him, by text. By text, and then declined to speak to him for weeks. Now, I’d like to say I’m not taking sides, but of COURSE I’m taking sides. He’s my important person. Still, even if I didn’t know him, I’d think it was pretty cruel to break up with someone out of the blue, via text and then refuse to talk about it. And that’s my unfiltered train of thought right now. I’m glad she didn’t come. Maybe we can be friends someday, but right now everyone is uncomfortable and awkward.
On top of that, I’m protective and a little angry. I’m a little angry with her, and I’m even still a little angry with SMF. It’s mostly resolved, and I wish I was self aware enough to explain why I feel that way, but I don’t really understand it. It might be all those times he said “trust me”, when I was convinced this relationship would not end well, for anyone. I don’t know exactly. But I’m working through it.
Fifteen minutes after my house cleared after brunch, CC got a call from many states away, that her grandmother had just passed away. Her tears felt like family. Handing her paper and a pen so she could write things down felt like a thing that family does.. I don’t know how to describe it. It felt like connection. And I recognized it.
This will be a tough week. It’s the third week of my new job, and it’s one of the hardest and most overwhelming things I’ve ever done. It’s going to be good. I know it is.
It just isn’t very good yet.