I’m conflicted between writing here in cloaked generalities, and journaling my specific day-to-day experiences as a secondary in a polyamorous relationship. Though I am anonymous to most readers, those who know me in real life have access to this blog: Special Man Friend, Metamour, and the many mutual friends who know us personally. What that means to me, is that opinions formed of my lover and his wife, and myself for that matter, could affect our real-life interactions, not only with our friends and loved ones, but also with each other. I love my people, but we are hardly free of stress and conflict. I love my people, but we are not without our issues. I love my people, but things are downright hard sometimes.
I am passionate about my relationships. I am proud of the fact that Metamour and I continue to work through our insecurities with and about each other. I am proud that neither one of us has given up, or run away. I am proud of my Lover, who is committed to us both, and who never makes me feel like “just the girlfriend”. I know I am loved, I know I am important. I also know how much he loves his wife, and I see how hard he tried to meet both of our needs.
So even as I hesitate to bare all, I yearn to be honest and true. I wonder how to reconcile the two.