I need to date.
I am happy in my current relationship. My guy has encouraged to me to diversify a little, as he puts it. He wants me to have more: more connection, more fun, more love. I have been focused on him and on our relationship for some time, and wasn’t interested, though I went through spurts of feeling the pressure of needing to be “more poly”, or something. This was a completely internal dialogue I would have with myself, and he watched me struggle with it, and told me, “Stop. You will do it when you are ready.” I was relieved.
My personality is such that I thrive on intimacy. I am uncomfortable and unsure in new situations or with new people. I am slow to make connections, slow to feel safe and slow to allow myself to be vulnerable to another person. I am resistant to change. And starting to date will bring to the forefront every single one of these things.
Oh, and I absolutely abhor first dates. Just the thought makes me a nauseous.
So I’m formulating a plan of action. Setting a goal. Finding a date. One first date in April, and one first date in May. I’m not looking for true love, I’m not looking for anything except stepping outside of my comfort zone and facing my “first date phobia.”