~Script~

I woke up at 6AM this morning. (This is a big, big deal.)

I have an absolute need to streamline my things. I must remove clutter and excess. There are bags and bags of stuff lining my hallway, waiting to be taken and donated to the secondhand store. I don’t need it. I don’t want it.

It does not escape me, the parallels between this organizational drive, and the inner dialogue I’ve been having of late, regarding my relationship with my Mister. I’m in a period of transition, and I’m in the process of redefining my wants, and clarifying my needs. I’m letting go of some of the mono-centric, ingrained expectations that I haven’t been able to let go. Perhaps completely releasing them is not realistic. Our entire society is mono-centric. It’s what I know. It’s how everyone I know relates to the world; even many of the polyamorous people I know structure their relationships to this end. I think our brains try to “make sense” of polyamory, by framing it through monogamous eyes.

So therein lies the crux. My needs seem to have shifted, and Mister may or may not be able to meet them. My monogamous-minded self wants to run away, because surely Prince Charming is out there somewhere waiting to meet all my needs. My underdeveloped poly-minded synapses are screaming to be heard above this dialogue:

No. Don’t walk away. Communicate, clarify, compromise. Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. He can’t meet all your needs, and it’s unfair to expect him to.

I love this man, deeply. The automatic script that runs constantly through my mind, needs to be rewritten. Hell, it needs to just be purged and donated to the secondhand store. And I will not be buying it back, no matter how safe and secure it makes me feel.