All I want is a bra that fits well, is comfortable, looks pretty, and holds my breasts where they need to be. I don’t want to be pinched and poked under the arms with underwires, I don’t want to be squeezed and suffocated by bands and straps and cups that runneth over. I don’t want my breasts to look misshapen. I used to have a killer rack. I loved it. Now, well, it’s just a rack that needs a little love.

Someone explain to me how every fucking bra manufacturer manages to make their bras so different, in the way they fit, and hold, and look, that it’s nearly impossible to find a bra that’s a perfect match for my body? Twice in my life I’ve found bras that worked well, and I bought those bras, in (what I thought) was my size for a year or two, and it was easy and stress free, and I was brand loyal, and THEN, twice, the bras were changed, or discontinued, and my body changed as I got older and my weight has fluctuated and now I’m back at square one. Braless. (Figuratively.)

I was recently measured, to see what my current bra size should be. I wanted something new and pretty, and I bit the bullet and presented my breasts for evaluation. I suspected I had been in the wrong size for a long time, as I think many women are. Okay, actually, I knew I was in the wrong size, because Special Man has been after me to get new bras for months. Or maybe a year. (Or more.)

By the way, I hate bra sizing.

So I had been in bras sized 40D, and I knew they were too big, sort of, except sometimes I was overflowing the tops of them, so who the hell knew if I needed bigger or smaller bras, and what does that mean anyway when you’ve got band size and cup size and then you throw in all the different varieties of plunge bras, demi bras, push ups and full coverage, and that’s not even the tip of the iceberg.

The gal with the tape measure proclaimed I was a 36DD. Yeah, right, I thought. It sounded ridiculous. Still, I tried on a dozen different styles, and I could see that indeed, the DD was a good call. I danced around in the dressing room, attempting to dislodge the girls from the bra cups, and immediately dismissed any bra that lent itself easily to the overflow issue. I came home with a single bra. I had narrowed the field down to two styles, but at the last minute, I couldn’t commit to both.

I’m telling you, I have serious bra trauma.

Even now, I don’t think the size is right. It’s closer, for sure. But, still…

Someone shoot me.

3 thoughts on “~Torture~

  1. I feel your pain. Be grateful that you don’t have to shop for you bras online because no one carries your size in the store… I have this issue, and let me be the first to say that it SUCKS!

  2. Random internet advice… find a specialty shop that sells cups bigger than DD, in — this is very important — small band sizes. Often they may get the bread and butter of their business from mastectomy fittings, so they can be a little hard to track down, but it’s worth it. (Some department stores may be able to fit you — we have one locally called Von Maur that does, and I think I’ve heard that Nordstroms do ok — but don’t bother with Sars or Penneys.) The trick is that you really need a snug-fitting band for proper support, and smaller bands mean that the cup is smaller… so while a 36DD might well be a lot closer, you might find even better support, and less runnething-over, from a 34DDD or even F.

    I squeezed myself into Bali 36DDDs for years before coming to terms with the fact that what I actually needed was a 34HH (now down to either 34G or a 32H, thanks to some weight loss). Make sure that when you buy it, you’re hooking the outer set of hooks and getting a good fit, since as we all know, they will stretch.

    The downside: you may need to order more expensive bras, and/or order online to get something that isn’t the beige-iest beige that ever beiged. The upside: once you have a brand and a style or two that truly fits, there are more possibilities out there than ever.

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