Poly Nirvana

Love, Life and Rational Polyamory

~Crash~

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Written last night as I sat in a plane flying over Chicago, on my way home to Idaho.

I don’t love flying.

It’s not that it’s horrible or anything, it’s just not particularly pleasant. There is little privacy for conversation, and really, the noise of the plane makes small talk difficult anyway.

I do however, love traveling to new places, which is something I’ve not had nearly enough of in my life but which has slowly moved to the top of my WANT list.  Special Man sits beside me, fidgeting and restless, watching old episodes of “West Wing”, (an excellent and highly recommended series, in fact, one of my sons is named for one of my favorite characters. Yes, I really did that.)

We are an hour from home, and I feel the weight of it. I loved the hours and days we had together. I was better for having him there. “You’re being so nice to me,” I said, several times this trip, which caused him to respond, “You say that as if it’s something new.”  And it’s not. I’m not sure if it was the amount of time we had together that amplified this nurturing I felt from him, or the fact that I was trying so hard to take care of myself. To be comfortable and competent in a completely new environment, with completely new people, doing something I really wanted to do, but was frankly terrified of.

So as it comes time to say goodbye to him for a week, I’m happy and tired and just a little wistful. I’m so grateful he’s in my life, and there’s just a little bit of a disconnect for me when I know in my head that while I would really never want to actually cohabitate with him permanently, part of me has a hard time letting go of him and saying goodbye.  I had my moment, when I took out my new phone/tablet and wrote:  I wish you were coming home with me.  I poked him with my elbow, and showed it to him.  I slowly started to erase it, not wanting to look at his face.  He put his hand on my leg, and I knew he was there, and that he loved me.  I had to process, to let go a little.  I have more to say about that, but it will come after I think on it for a little while. I leave you with a brief list of things I learned this weekend.  There is much, much more, but I am weary and I need to sleep and regroup. 

1) You can never, ever, drink too much coffee.  You can, however, have too much of the Waffle House.

2) Yes, I CAN pack for three days in one carry on.  (And that included a flouncy petticoat to wear under my pinup girl dress for the Poly Prom.)

3)  Always have a Plan B. And a Plan C.  Then, be flexible enough to revert back to Plan A when your people rally. Let people take care of you sometimes.

4)  Observe and learn. Then observe some more.  Embrace YES. Make peace with no.  

5)  There are good and kind people on the planet. They are not perfect. And neither am I.

6)Tornado sirens are confusing.

PS. Ohio rocked. Thank you to my new friends for all your kindnesses. ~Ginger

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One thought on “~Crash~

  1. This really touched me, and touched me even more that you “told” him what you were thinking. That’s pretty awesome. That level of vulnerability is really impactful, and I admire it so.

    Yes, yes, yes on there being good and kind people – and none of them are perfect. That’s what makes them perfect. Perfect imperfection. 🙂

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