Conflict is painful.

Everyone thinks they are right.  Nobody wants to be wrong.  If you can get to a point that you can even admit that maybe you were wrong, you certainly weren’t that wrong, and there was a very good reason for what you did, or what you said, or how you acted.

I can’t stand it.

It makes my stomach hurt.  It makes my eyes ache and my brain noisy.  I can’t sleep.

There’s a rift among my little poly constellation.  I’m involved, and I’m not.  I feel like everything is spiraling wildly off into space and nothing will ever be the same.  We don’t exist in a vacuum.  All our individual relationships, romantic or otherwise, make up this larger creature that becomes maimed when conflict finds parts of it.  I’m trying so hard to know what to do, what to say.  Right now I’m frozen, as I watch my people move farther and farther away from one another.

One of my favorite things about poly is the idea that we can be close to our partners, and our metamours, and their partners.  There’s a secret part of me that would have fit right into a commune in the 1960’s.  I adore the concept of the extended poly network.  The chosen family.  The clan.

I can’t talk about all of it.  But it is heavy on my mind, and my heart hurts.  I can’t take sides, except for my own.  I can’t talk to any of my people.  It’s a lonely place to be.  Events are being cancelled because this person can’t be around that person, or these people are mad at those other ones.  I’m stuck in the midst of it.  And I want out.

People aren’t disposable.  People shouldn’t be disposable.

16 thoughts on “~Hurt~

  1. Oh honey. I feel you on this. I HATE when there is conflict between members. I love my little family. It’s hard and I hope that your family finds a way back to peace. It takes a lot of willingness on all sides and it’s really sucky when it’s not anything you can do about it. It’s between others. *hug*
    I hope peace comes soon.

    1. The worst part is that I’m in the mire but while I’m trying to handle my direct connections, and be a grown up, I’m now put in the position of taking sides. I’m not neutral. I think everyone is in the wrong, and that’s not going over very well. ::sigh::

      1. I’m not very objective about stuff that close to my heart either. It’s crazy hard just to keep my side of the street clean and not jump on a super high horse while doing it. (holy metaphors!). If you need off blog support I’m here. *more hugs*

  2. I think this must be how Bill felt every time I would react to one of his stories about his other girlfriend (and her constant abuse) with anger and disgust. 😦 Except, I’m the one who couldn’t sleep nights. It does suck. All of it does, in all the ways it can happen.

    I hope your situation resolves! 🙂

  3. Best thing you can be is honest & communicative….which it sounds like you are being. What’s the other alternative? None really. Two people managing a relationship is difficult enough. Now try three or four, or five in a group dynamic. People who pursue any form of relationship need to have the maturity to be able to resolve issues, communicate and get beyond the petty, else why stay in the relationship just for the sake of the relationship. I hope it works out but just know you might have to hold loose to the reins a little on this one and see where it runs. Yeah, I had to add a little horse metaphor there…:) later dear.

    1. It’s just messy and complicated between my relationship with SMF and all the cross-relationships. I just want to run. I don’t want to be a good communicator. I don’t want to be mature. ::stomps foot::

  4. Ginger – great blog.

    You alone cannot be the glue that holds your pod together. Listen, be empathetic, and help where you can; model the behavior you’d want from others.

    But careful: break ups and changes in relationships are to be expected; try to let go of your attachment. Sometimes, people in your circle will just break up, and then we move on.

    All the best –

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