Poly Nirvana

Love, Life and Rational Polyamory

Monthly Archives: February 2014


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~Random~

It’s Wednesday, late afternoon, and I just woke up.  I’ve just finished three twelve hour shifts, and went to bed this morning around nine.  

I’m on day seven of a pretty restricted diet, and I’m crabby and hungry.  I’d like to eat a bowl of sugar now, please.

I will be presenting at the Atlanta Poly Weekend in June, if anyone is going, I want to see your face!  

I’m craving a little kink, and there’s nothing to be done about that tonight.   

SMF and I have a date on Friday to drive into the mountains to the hot springs.  He’s taking CC to a hot spring tonight, and when he told me that, I had a little poke of some kind of feeling!  Not jealous.  But possessive, or maybe proprietary over having a hot springs date.  I’m already thinking of something else we can do instead.  I know it’s silly.  It is.         

I’d like to eat a pepperoni and bacon pizza now, please.


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~Complicated~

It always is, isn’t it.

I’m not even talking specifically about relationship structures, and interpersonal interactions. I’m just talking about LIFE. Making sure that there’s milk in the fridge and toilet paper in the closet, and that you take your iron pill every day. Keeping an eye on the laundry so that you aren’t being shaken awake by a child on a cold school morning because he can’t find any clean socks. Birthdays, and car registration, and paying the electric bill on time.

Oh and don’t forget doctor’s appointments, puppies,car troubles, and ex-husbands while you’re also working full time and wanting a little bit of a social life, for which you struggle to not feel guilty over.

So what’s the modern woman to do, with so much on her plate?

Find more to do! Do all the things!

Yes, I’ve got it down. I’m researching a new camera and signing up for a photography class! I need a challenge and I need art. Special Man Friend gave me a subscription to some photo magazines, and now I just have to settle on a camera.

Today I got my nose pierced. I don’t know why exactly, except I’ve been dying to do it for a couple of months. I think SMF was tired of hearing me talk about it, because he made the call, and drove me over while we were together today doing mundane, every day, LIFE things. I picked a tiny iridescent opal stud that I love. Opals are my birthstone, and I’ve always liked them.

Now I can’t wait to get a tattoo!


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~Comment~

Hi Ginger,
I really enjoy reading your blog. I’ve been in a relationship with a married man with 2 little ones for a year in a half now. The wife is Asexual so she opt to having an open marriage 3 years ago. Their rule was that each could have sexual relationship out side the marriage but each did not want to know what the other was doing. About 4 months ago the wife decided she wanted to know since the husband was out on a regular basis or maybe she saw a change. She also wanted to met me. I was excited and nervous all at the same time when this happened. She started inviting me to join them for game night. I was introduced to their mutual friends. I even babysat the little ones so they could have time together. Unfortunately a few things happened that hurt my feelings. Silly little things but non the less things that bothered me. I was fine when we were all around other people but when it was just me and the both of them the atmosphere was not good for me. The agreement was that when we are all together there would be no physical contact. I didn’t even get a hug when i walked through the door. That just hurts me since i’m a very physical person and I love him and its hard for me not to give him a hug or touch his hand, etc. Anyway i told Hubby that i just couldn’t do it anymore and he agreed. Thing have been quite and my soul feels more at ease. We went back to having our Friday nights and right after he told wife he was taking those nights again she kind of got upset that he wanted to go out again. I’m getting too emotionally attached to this very family oriented man. I know he loves me but he has made it clear that he will never leave his wife and they will always be his world. If it was up to him they’d live side by side in two separate homes. They would all still have dinner, weekends and holidays as a family but she would not dictate how he should live his life. Basically they’ve grown apart through the years. Unfortunately that also tells me that there is no room in his Real Life for me. I will always be that fun girl he loves to hang out with. I have no doubt that he loves me but i’m not sure if i want to continue to Love someone who has no place for me in his Real Life. I am on an emotional roller coaster right now. Being secondary is not an easy thing. I don’t want him to divorce his wife and i don’t want to live with him. I guess i just wish i was more part of the family. My kids where my world and i guess i miss that and wish i could be part of their lives but obviously that did not work well for us.

Do you have any advice for me and how to deal with these emotions?

Signed,
Polymonogamous

Hi! I hope it’s okay with you for me to post this public comment you left on my “About” page in it’s own post. I’m hoping to get feedback and advice from others, because honestly, I’m not sure what kind of guidance I can offer. It sounds like what you are longing for is more entanglement, and that’s something that needs to be negotiated. You have three options. Negotiate for what you want. Adjust to not having what you want. Or walk away. It sounds like his wife was comfortable with trying to integrate you more, and in having more overlap, but it was you who was uncomfortable with her request not to see physical touch between you and her husband. Maybe this is something she would become more comfortable with as time went on, maybe not. You’re the only one who can decide if the glass is half full, or half empty. It’s okay for you to want something different! I know it’s not great advice, but I’m really just a girl who is muddling her way through all this too. I just happen to have a shiny blog with a really catchy name. 🙂

~Ginger

Feedback anyone? Comment below!


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~11:14~

It’s 11:14 pm, on a Saturday night.

I’m wrapped in a fuzzy pink robe. I have two lovely candles lit and I’m tucked under a yellow floral quilt. I am doing exactly what I want to do. I am being nice to myself. I have a perfectly ripe pear, a mild brie cheese, and some not-so-mild jalapeno Cheetos. I have a mindless show on the television, and I’ve just put down my crochet.

I’ve been working on this psychadelic, very large, stripedy afghan for more than a year. It should have been done by now, but, well, I get bored. It’s a gift for SMF, for the bed in his converted van that he uses when he goes fishing and camping. I have a great metaphor working in my brain for this damn afghan, and it has something to do with relationships and learning from our mistakes and commitment and a whole bunch of other things but it just isn’t coming together.

Last night I went to the movies with Special Man, after a slightly disappointing dinner at a new-to-us Cuban restaurant. We saw “Her”, which was mostly very good, and only slightly boring for about twenty minutes, two-thirds of the way through. This is a big deal, because I have a hard time sitting through movies in general. This movie gave me so many ideas and concepts to keep my brain busy, that I was very happily entertained. I do recommend it, it’s a little long, but it makes some great statements about life and love, humanity and emotion, social constructs, and technology. (There’s a lot of time spent with Joaquin Phoenix looking pensive. And I mean a lot. Try to look past that.)

After the movie, we parked at the local IHOP and we talked. I didn’t want to talk. I don’t think he really did either. But we did it. And there were some hard things said, and some difficult things heard. I’ve come to some of my own conclusions in the last two weeks, and mostly what I’m realizing is that poly is fucking hard.

But I’m still here. And so is he.

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