Poly Nirvana

Love, Life and Rational Polyamory

Monthly Archives: February 2014


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~Morning~

This morning one of my teenagers woke me up with a hug, and said, “Thanks for feeding me so I don’t starve, Mom.” Understandably confused by this sudden display of gratitude, I asked him what he wanted, thinking that he wanted money or something. “It’s Valentine’s Day,” he said, “and I’m trying to be nice.”

“Thanks, honey,” I said and went back to sleep for another twenty minutes before my youngest daughter was prodding me out of bed to drive her and her brother to school. I should have taken a picture of the Valentine’s Day getup she had put together. Pink and white gingham taffeta party dress. Raspberry and black argyle tights. Pepto-Bismol pink butterfly shaped glasses. Her hair was gloriously bendy from the eight braids she had slept in last night in preparation for her school party. She was a fantastic mess; her very own girl, and she was thrilled with how she looked.

I have long learned to appreciate this kind of individuality. There are probably younger parents who look at her and think I’m crazy. I’m okay with that. At 44, I’m a much different parent than I was when I was at 34. Or 24. I look at her and I hope that she maintains that strong sense of self, and that she remains confident in liking what she likes.

At breakfast, my youngest son told me that my nose piercing was “weird” because I was pretty much fifty.

Now I’m not sure what being almost fifty has to do with anything, but I’m only 44, and I’m just me, I told him. And I like it. “But what about getting a tattoo?” he said. “Most people get their first tattoo in their twenties!”

“So?” I said. “I think it’s awesome.”

And that was the end of that. He starts junior high next year. He cares what people think. I get it.

It’s horrible outside: gray and rainy, with an icky wind. I’m rethinking my date to the hot springs tonight. Sushi and then a movie or something inside sounds much (much) more appealing. (And sex. I’m really looking forward to having some time for sex! This once a week business is for the birds.)


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~Random~

It’s Wednesday, late afternoon, and I just woke up.  I’ve just finished three twelve hour shifts, and went to bed this morning around nine.  

I’m on day seven of a pretty restricted diet, and I’m crabby and hungry.  I’d like to eat a bowl of sugar now, please.

I will be presenting at the Atlanta Poly Weekend in June, if anyone is going, I want to see your face!  

I’m craving a little kink, and there’s nothing to be done about that tonight.   

SMF and I have a date on Friday to drive into the mountains to the hot springs.  He’s taking CC to a hot spring tonight, and when he told me that, I had a little poke of some kind of feeling!  Not jealous.  But possessive, or maybe proprietary over having a hot springs date.  I’m already thinking of something else we can do instead.  I know it’s silly.  It is.         

I’d like to eat a pepperoni and bacon pizza now, please.


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~Complicated~

It always is, isn’t it.

I’m not even talking specifically about relationship structures, and interpersonal interactions. I’m just talking about LIFE. Making sure that there’s milk in the fridge and toilet paper in the closet, and that you take your iron pill every day. Keeping an eye on the laundry so that you aren’t being shaken awake by a child on a cold school morning because he can’t find any clean socks. Birthdays, and car registration, and paying the electric bill on time.

Oh and don’t forget doctor’s appointments, puppies,car troubles, and ex-husbands while you’re also working full time and wanting a little bit of a social life, for which you struggle to not feel guilty over.

So what’s the modern woman to do, with so much on her plate?

Find more to do! Do all the things!

Yes, I’ve got it down. I’m researching a new camera and signing up for a photography class! I need a challenge and I need art. Special Man Friend gave me a subscription to some photo magazines, and now I just have to settle on a camera.

Today I got my nose pierced. I don’t know why exactly, except I’ve been dying to do it for a couple of months. I think SMF was tired of hearing me talk about it, because he made the call, and drove me over while we were together today doing mundane, every day, LIFE things. I picked a tiny iridescent opal stud that I love. Opals are my birthstone, and I’ve always liked them.

Now I can’t wait to get a tattoo!


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~Comment~

Hi Ginger,
I really enjoy reading your blog. I’ve been in a relationship with a married man with 2 little ones for a year in a half now. The wife is Asexual so she opt to having an open marriage 3 years ago. Their rule was that each could have sexual relationship out side the marriage but each did not want to know what the other was doing. About 4 months ago the wife decided she wanted to know since the husband was out on a regular basis or maybe she saw a change. She also wanted to met me. I was excited and nervous all at the same time when this happened. She started inviting me to join them for game night. I was introduced to their mutual friends. I even babysat the little ones so they could have time together. Unfortunately a few things happened that hurt my feelings. Silly little things but non the less things that bothered me. I was fine when we were all around other people but when it was just me and the both of them the atmosphere was not good for me. The agreement was that when we are all together there would be no physical contact. I didn’t even get a hug when i walked through the door. That just hurts me since i’m a very physical person and I love him and its hard for me not to give him a hug or touch his hand, etc. Anyway i told Hubby that i just couldn’t do it anymore and he agreed. Thing have been quite and my soul feels more at ease. We went back to having our Friday nights and right after he told wife he was taking those nights again she kind of got upset that he wanted to go out again. I’m getting too emotionally attached to this very family oriented man. I know he loves me but he has made it clear that he will never leave his wife and they will always be his world. If it was up to him they’d live side by side in two separate homes. They would all still have dinner, weekends and holidays as a family but she would not dictate how he should live his life. Basically they’ve grown apart through the years. Unfortunately that also tells me that there is no room in his Real Life for me. I will always be that fun girl he loves to hang out with. I have no doubt that he loves me but i’m not sure if i want to continue to Love someone who has no place for me in his Real Life. I am on an emotional roller coaster right now. Being secondary is not an easy thing. I don’t want him to divorce his wife and i don’t want to live with him. I guess i just wish i was more part of the family. My kids where my world and i guess i miss that and wish i could be part of their lives but obviously that did not work well for us.

Do you have any advice for me and how to deal with these emotions?

Signed,
Polymonogamous

Hi! I hope it’s okay with you for me to post this public comment you left on my “About” page in it’s own post. I’m hoping to get feedback and advice from others, because honestly, I’m not sure what kind of guidance I can offer. It sounds like what you are longing for is more entanglement, and that’s something that needs to be negotiated. You have three options. Negotiate for what you want. Adjust to not having what you want. Or walk away. It sounds like his wife was comfortable with trying to integrate you more, and in having more overlap, but it was you who was uncomfortable with her request not to see physical touch between you and her husband. Maybe this is something she would become more comfortable with as time went on, maybe not. You’re the only one who can decide if the glass is half full, or half empty. It’s okay for you to want something different! I know it’s not great advice, but I’m really just a girl who is muddling her way through all this too. I just happen to have a shiny blog with a really catchy name. 🙂

~Ginger

Feedback anyone? Comment below!