It’s Special Man’s birthday this week.  CC is out of town on a business trip until the weekend, so there was talk of a mini-vacation, nothing spectacular, but the prospect of some uninterrupted time with him was intoxicating.  As this week neared, he realized he had too much going on at work to take two days off, and now, he won’t even be able to take one day off of work.  So we are piecing together a birthday celebration, and I’m a little wound up trying to coordinate the details.  Should I book a hotel near his work, or near my house?  We live on opposite sides of town…  I’m planning birthday cake with the kids tomorrow night, and the place I’d like to take him for breakfast is near me, but I’d like to surprise him with the park and the zoo on Friday, and that’s closer to him.  

Decisions are, and have always been, tough for me.  When I was a girl, I would go back and forth, debating with myself, what the “right” choice was in any situation, large or small.  Ordering food in a restaurant was painful.  I still, will generally order what I know I like, rather than take a chance on choosing wrong.  It’s my little perfectionist streak, I think.  My mother told me years ago, “It’s not always a right or wrong decision, sometimes it’s just one or the other.”  

Tonight we drove forty-five minutes to meet a lovely couple for dinner, and it was wonderful.  The food was okay; I asked SMF to order for me, and it’s always a relief when I don’t have to stress about what to choose.  The drive was nice.  Our friends are kind and interesting and funny.  I drank a martini, and we talked about all sorts of fun things.  It’s interesting to me, how I’ve managed to fall in with people who are Very Much Not Like Me, which happens to make me very happy.  I listened to the three of them geek out about D&D and WoW, and I smiled and nodded, but it’s not my thing.  And that’s okay.  I really did try to learn about D&D, and I played a few times, but it’s just not for me.  I do, however, love being around people who express unapologetic raw pleasure in, well, in almost anything. I love that there are so many different kinds of things out there in the world for people to get excited about!  

I’ve just learned that my ex-husband is getting remarried.  In three weeks. And that he’s moving out of the state.  I’m processing some things related to that, and the church, and my children, but right now it’s mostly all swirling in my head, and isn’t ready to be bled out into words quite yet.  

Life is messy.


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