I’ll be in Georgia for the Atlanta Poly Weekend in June, and I’m so excited! I have heard wonderful things about this event, and I’m happy that my friend, the divine Miss M. will be flying down with me. If anyone within the sound of my voice is planning to attend, I want to know about it! (Maybe we can have a little Poly Nirvana meetup?)
I’m continuing to see Lady Therapist, and the process is exhausting. As I am processing and focusing on this massive amount of baggage I’ve been carrying, I’ve been at a loss with my writing. I miss it, but I am unsure where to go with it. Do I force it, and write about things that I am detached from, or do I quietly wait for my inspiration to return? My stress levels have been high, I have been dealing with irritability and headaches, and I’ve had several significant confrontations with Special Man in the recent weeks. I’m exhausted.
So I guess I wait. I wait for the peace that I’ve promised myself, will come when I can finally release the choices and circumstances that led me into and subsequently out of, a marriage which left me bruised and sad. I’m starting to think that it’s time to forgive that twenty-two year old girl who didn’t know what she was beginning, the day she wore that white dress. And then the twenty-four year old woman, who almost escaped…but didn’t. I chose to go back. I could have made a different choice, but I didn’t.
And I’m still angry about that.
(On a positive note, I had a really good cookie today, and it made me very happy. In that moment, it was the best thing that had happened to me all day, and I recognized it, and smiled. It was a Swedish fruit cookie, and I hid one away for SMF to have tomorrow when he comes for dinner. Whatever else happens, just remember…There are always cookies.)