Relationship Space

Every so often I come across a discussion about designating something (Usually a bed, sometimes a restaurant or other outing) as being only for a primary couple. The idea is the primary couple needs something special and just for them, which is off limits to any secondaries (these discussions almost always involve hierarchical poly). These discussions can get heated. Some people chime in to support the right of the primary relationship to protect itself and its space. Others defend the secondary relationship and saying the couple’s bed makes OSOs second-class citizens in their own relationships.

When I was growing up, my mother had a room she set aside as an office. No one went into her office without first knocking on the door and getting permission. Even my dad, who ran the house in every other way, didn’t go in unless he needed to.

After I moved out of my…