~Ten Terrible Things (I Have Thought in the Past Month)~
1) I could just walk out of this Walmart with this giant bag of weed and feed and nobody would even bat an eye, I’m so innocent looking…Should I? (No, I didn’t.)
2) Do I really have to sit through a three hour high school graduation ceremony just to see my kid on stage for five seconds? Is there any way to get out of this? (The answer to that is NO. There is no way to get out of it.)
3) FUCK, this vagina smells horrendous! (Not my vagina. Workplace casualty.)
4) If only my ex-husband were dead…life would be so much simpler. (This one is truly terrible.)
5) Maybe I’m not really polyamorous… Am I a poly poser?? (This one deserves it’s own post. Forthcoming.)
6) I’m fat and ugly… (Sigh. One of my demons.)
7) Oh my. That is not a cute baby. At all. (Also, work related.)
8) Man, my mother did a number on me. What’s wrong with her, anyway? (See number 6, above.)
9) Maybe I’m just unlovable. (I can’t be the only one who thinks this sometimes. I just can’t.)
10) I really need to clean that toilet…(::walking away from said toilet, every day for two weeks before breaking down and cleaning the thing! ::)
And a final, bonus, Terrible Thing I thought this month…
What if I can’t ever write again? What if my voice is just… gone? (Oh. Hell. No.)
Poly Nirvana 
This list made me smile along with a squeak of a laugh every once in awhile as I read down it. No#1 got me first…..:), Then #5 …possibly no Poly huh? Personally not a fan of labels…YOU cannot be defined by a single word..as neither can I…mainly because our lives and beings are in a continuous transition of change. I literally feel different from last week myself. Then #6….NO, you are not fat and ugly … but nothing I will say will dissuade you otherwise…unless YOU really believe it yourself…so I won’t try…but guess what …YOUR NOT…:) and #8 Yep, my mother did a number on me growing up as well…but if I step back objectively and look at her I see that she did the best she could under the circumstance and with what tools she had…(she was missing a lot of tools unfortunately and some other ones were broken) #9 Unlovable……never…..Message in a Bottle babe…a lot of people who see your comments are pulling for you. Believe that. Pull me f or me a little …I need it as well sometimes. Take care. and write write write….write till the dying light. (and then write in the dark… 🙂
So many hugs. I have thought most of these things myself although not all in the last month. #2 last year and I’m sure I’ll think it again next year. #5… just ugh. #6 Every. Single. Day. #8!!! Is there anyone out there whose mother did not do a real number on them??? If there is I’d seriously like to smack them. Just saying.
And I agree with Philip, there are people out here who are pulling for you and do hope you’ll continue to write.