Today is the monthly Poly Potluck in my small city. I’m not going. I don’t feel comfortable, and it’s unclear to me if it’s the fact that Special Man and CC are hosting it at their house, or if it’s simply the Big Breakup and this vague feeling of displacement that I’m carrying, that is keeping me home.
Probably, it’s a combination of both.
I’ve seen SMF several times. It is hard to let go. It is hard to not continue to look for a way that we can be together. I have mixed feelings.
I love him. It makes things complicated, a word I’m beginning to truly loathe…
I’ve dropped twelve hours per pay period at work, in an effort to force my hand in looking for alternate ways to supplement my income. I’m excited and terrified. As I get older, I want… MORE. There are many things about bedside nursing that are satisfying. I’m paid well, and I’m good at what I do. But I can’t keep up the hours and the nightshifts. I want more joy, and more beauty in my days. I’m seriously working towards supplementing my income with photography. I’m happy. It feels right.
I’ve gained almost exactly ten pounds in the last two months. I’m sure I’m stress eating. I need a post break-up healthy eating buddy. Anyone?