Disclaimer: This is the real poly that goes on in my imperfect life. It is neither enlightened, nor glamorous, despite what you may think of my awesome poly skills. You have been warned.
Alright, poly peeps.
Let’s say, you’re having a crabby day. And, in an effort to cheer you up, your partner sends you a picture of a kitten, which you dismiss with a “Nice try, I’m immune to cute animals.” text. Then comes another kitten. “Nope.” you type back.
So then, your partner, thinking that a cute picture of HIM will cheer you up, sends a picture you happen to have seen once, because his newest partner showed it to you before, in a gush of NRE.
But even if you hadn’t seen it before, HE should know, that you might not want to see a cutesie picture of him, in his new girlfriend’s sunglasses, making kissy smoochie faces at the camera, on a date with her, while she took the picture. It’s a study in freaking New Relationship Energy, and you simply don’t need a picture of it.
And it’s moments like these, that seem so silly and small, that make me think, What the hell am I doing here?
Seriously, where’s all this compersion everyone else gets so excited about? Where’s MY compersion?
Ok. Deep breath.
Honestly, I know this has to be tied up in the layers of conflict that I have with Mrs. A. I don’t think he intended to be insensitive at all, though I am holding him to his subsequent insensitivity after I was explicit in what bothered me about that.
DO YOU HEAR ME, SPECIAL MAN FRIEND?
I know I really screwed this one up. I keep thinking I can detach, and be over here all mindful and self-aware, and he can be over there managing his relationships, but it really does bother me that things are so complicated, and I can’t fix it. And I’m worried and stressed and I should have gone with my gut and gone to bed early, before any of this happened. I wish I could take it all back.
(But you still shouldn’t have sent that picture.)