In the middle of the summer, I was contacted with a offer of an advanced copy of a new book on polyamory, and a request to review it on my blog. The book has since been released, and at least once a week, my partner pokes me and says, “Hey, did you write your review yet?”
No, I haven’t. I’ve never reviewed a book before, and I keep thinking that there’s some dry, intellectual, and boring format that Official Book Reviews are supposed to follow, and I’ve been putting it off. And putting it off. So, this morning, as I sit in my favorite coffee shop, I’ve decided to write my own kind of review.
When I first started to learn about polyamory, I was very interested to read about different experiences with open relationships. I didn’t know anyone else “like me”, a single person doing polyamory. I started reading the standard, recommended poly books, and quickly realized that the bulk of information out there was for couples. Even chapters that referred to “secondary” relationships, seemed more about how to manage primary couplehood, in spite of “outside” relationships, rather than how to just be a good person, with healthy and whole relationships. I felt outside. I was the outside relationship; all the books said so. This ultimately sparked my own involvement in the larger poly community, my writing, my discussion group, my love and desire for community.
I didn’t want to like “More Than Two”, by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert. I’ll admit it. I’m a tough customer, and I think that comes from having to muddle through a lot of popular polyamorous muck in order to arrive at my own vision of happy and healthy relationships. (I believe I’m an optimistic cynic, however, so there is that.)
This book is a fantastic resource for anyone looking for a thoughtful, reasonable approach to polyamory, no matter who you are.
(That’s it. That’s my review.)
The things I look for in healthy poly relationships, are the things I look for in any human relationship. Polyamory doesn’t excuse anyone from being a good and kind human being. Healthy relationships, whether with lovers, friends, co-workers, or family, include such things as responsibility, boundaries, communication, nurturing, and self-care. “More Than Two”, offers a realistic and rational approach to being a whole person, who is mindful of self, and of others.
(Have you read “More Than Two”? What did you think? Comments welcome!)