I was talking to a nice man on OKCupid, who lives in Washington. I asked a few questions. You see, not only do I not want to waste my time with an impossible or potentially difficult connection, I also do not want to waste HIS time.
I’m considerate like that.
We are a high-ish match. 91%. He was polite, respectful, conversational, interesting. The distance, while challenging, was not a dealbreaker for me, for the right connection.
Me: So tell me about your open relationship… You don’t mention it in your profile, but it’s in your relationship status.
WAGuy: A little while ago, my wife and I decided we were comfortable pursuing other relationships. We have both dated and found that so far we are comfortable with it. I know some people are not OK with it, so totally understand if you are not.
Me: How long is a little while ago?
WAGuy: Probably about 12 or 14 months now. We had been both thinking of it for a while, but were afraid to bring it up
Me: Ok, and can I ask, what kinds of rules, if any, you two have between yourselves? Like what exactly is your ideal “open” situation?
WAGuy: Hmm. Not so much rules, I guess, more of a set of agreements or understandings.
No hiding or lying.
We can share as much or as little as one asks, but if they ask, they can’t get upset at the answer. If that makes any sense.
If you learn something new, you have to come home and share. (this is the best part).
People we meet have to be aware of the situation, and that to the extent we are open, we don’t share it with those outside our group. IE -Discretion.
Me: I’m just curious to know how you see yourself. Polyamorous? Open? Swingers?
WAGuy: Probably more open, with a leaning toward poly. I think our ideal situation would be another person, or couple, who we would both be into. Not really swinging, as to us that implies randomness, as opposed to building multiple relationships that are external our existing one.
We talked a little longer, but really, I had already decided. No thanks. Factor in the long distance, the brand new to poly, the absolute discretion, the desire for a common partner to “be into”, even the idea that “if you learn something new you have to come home and share…”
Me: I’m going to bed now.