It’s the first Father’s Day since my ex-husband, the father of my children, killed himself.

Maybe I’m over thinking it, but it feels hard.  I’ve mentioned it a couple times, and the kids either don’t want to talk about it, or they truly aren’t feeling it like I am. I plan to grill hamburgers and I’ve put invitations out to various people, all very casual.  I just wish I knew how to make it better.  A few days ago, Georgia said, “What’s the big deal, we don’t even have a Dad.”

Oh, my heart.

Last night, Special Man and I took Ian and Leo to see the new movie, “Inside Out”.  which is all about feelings.  It was cute, but what I really enjoyed was just being together. My take away from the movie, was that sometimes it’s the sadness that makes the happiness memorable.  Also, I really really want blue hair.  I’ll never have blue hair, but I think it would be amazing.

This week is our local poly discussion group, and I’m looking forward to it.  CC and SMF will be out of town, rafting Hell’s Canyon, or something crazy (thank goodness they like to do that together…definitely not my thing!)  I hope lots of people come and talk about lots of interesting things.  I should probably have a topic, or a focus, CC does a wonderful job of facilitating and leading these, and I will miss having her there.  I know a few new people plan on being there, and I’m looking forward to meeting them.  I still long for poly community, and I think it’s all coming together.

One thought on “~Father~

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