Poly Nirvana

Love, Life and Rational Polyamory

Wherein I surrender to poly cynicism…

5 Comments

I broke my own rule, and went out with someone new to polyamory.

He was easy to talk to, didn’t seem to have an agenda, and had some seriously attractive silver hair.  He also had a wife who was nice and friendly.  They had some experience with swinging, and so I justified that they at least had done some real life work in the non-monogamy arena, and surely that had to count for something.  After all, I live in a place where the dating pool is tragically shallow, and I am incredibly particular.  I have a busy, full life, and if I invest my time in someone, I generally feel an authentic connection.

We made it though enough dates (three) that I was really (really) ready for sex. We made plans for the following weekend.

Then things got weird.

He got quiet.  I tried not to make assumptions. I went with it.  Then he said he needed to put things on hold for that weekend.

Since I am a person, and not a telephone call, “on hold” didn’t sit well with me.  It didn’t feel good.  He and his wife had things happening.  I was curious to see what would happen next.

Now they are “stepping away” from poly.

This is why I am cynical, friends.

Yes, I am glad we did not get any more involved, I am happy that they pulled back before I became any more vested in New Guy.  I want them to be happy and have a healthy relationship together, whatever form they choose to pursue in the future.

But seriously, I need some new connections.  I am lonely.

Lonely and cynical, that is.

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5 thoughts on “Wherein I surrender to poly cynicism…

  1. I am sorry – that totally sucks for you!! And it’s so disappointing – that I know from experience.

  2. I get it. I really do. And I know you get it too, but that sucks. People have to take care of themselves and do what is best for them. I do it too. But after a while the tire tracks from people peeling out suck.

    But then I’m cynical too.

  3. It sucks. It so sucks. I’ve been there and “knowing better” doesn’t make it suck less. Yes, better now than later, but gah, still sucks. I’m sorry for the suck.

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