I’m amazingly tired. Like “there’s no way this can be normal” tired. It’s frustrating. I have things to do, things that I’m happy to be doing, wonderful things that I’m looking forward to.
And….polyamory takes energy, man. Pursuing new connections seems to always fall to the bottom of my list of Very Important Things To Do. Every week, I’ve got two jobs to manage, children to keep clean and fed, and a committed relationship to my Significant Other to maintain. As much as I long for more connection, going through the effort it takes to find those new connections isn’t a priority.
I suppose it won’t be a priority until I make it a priority. Which ultimately means stepping out of my comfort zone. People who know me laugh when I say I am shy. But it’s so true! First dates make me so nervous I want to throw up. I hate that feeling of being sized up; evaluated.
I am funny and smart and passionate. I am kind and thoughtful. I have drive and creativity. I’ve also been told I’m kind of an amazing lay.
I’m just too tired to find new friends to share those things with.