Our Poly Network continues to grow. We planned a night out to celebrate our 200th member, and by the time the night rolled around we were at 240. In Boise. It’s what I’ve wanted for such a long time. Community is such an amazing resource.
CC and Special Man Friend were in Texas for a funeral on the day of our celebration, and it just happened to be SMF’s birthday as well. It was a fun night, though I did miss him. I felt comfortable and I felt happy. I connected with friends, and I met some new faces. I kissed a girl in the restroom. I kissed another girl on the balcony. I was consensually groped by a friend, very sweetly. I gave a friend a ride home, and fooled around a little with him too.
SMF worries that I have more fun when he isn’t around, because I’m being stifled by him. At least this is what I think he is saying. Honestly I think that when we are together, we are TOGETHER, and it’s everyone else who is stifled. People were more flirty and more forward, which really doesn’t happen when I’m holding Special Man’s hand, as we are often together in the poly community. It seems so obvious, but I really hadn’t thought about it like that before. It was fun to be on my own.
I think that makes him feel bad, but I also know that he knows what that feels like, to enjoy the lightness and excitement of new people or connections, because we’ve talked about exactly that before. I think I’ve got an internal push and pull going…I almost feel as if I should apologize for having a good time withough him, when he had to be at a funeral on his birthday because his wife’s uncle passed away.
I know this is an emotional impulse. We both know that being open to others, and choosing our experiences, is important and valuable to us.
I still struggle with feelings of posession.