I have some conflict with my metamours, both partners of Special Man Friend.
I understand that I am the common denominator, and that I am responsible for me and for my lack of conflict resolution skills.
But I am feeling pretty solitary right now.
It’s hard to know what to do; what action to take. It’s hard to know exactly what I want, and then to hold that up to what I think I am obligated to do, it’s very noisy in my brain. The debate goes back and forth.
Reason: Someone needs to mend that bridge.
Emotion: Fuck that. They wrecked the bridge too. Why do I have to fix it?
Reason: You’re an adult. Do something adult-ish.
Emotion: I don’t know what to do! Why do I have to do everything?
Reason: Relationships take effort.
Emotion: Yeah, well I don’t care. I didn’t ask to be in a relationship with them.
Reason: Well you are. And you did.
Emotion: Did not.
Emotion: Polyamory is dumb.
Reason: No it isn’t.
Emotion: Yes it is and I hate everyone.
Emotion: Wah. I don’t know what to do.
Reason: You should just think more. Thinking more is always a good idea. Thinking is the best!
Emotion: I’m sick of thinking about it.
Reason: Then do something.
Emotion: I’m taking a nap.
3 thoughts on “~Fence~”
Metamour conflict is the worst 😦
You have to be polite. You have to be understanding regarding your man having these partners. You don’t have to like them. You don’t have to have a “relationship”with them. To what end? You do have to be open and honest with yourself about your feelings – and ensure that that those feelings don’t spill over into behavior that may not be warranted. But that’s it. Why put this pressure on yourself? I don’t know how SMF sees it – but what person wouldn’t want all their loves getting along like one big happy? Too bad. We don’t always get that. Cut yourself some slack beauty.
I’m re-reading older writings. It’s amazing the things I went through and wrote about, and have forgotten. Metamour conflict was a huge problem in my relationship with SMF. I think it has had severe long term effects on my outlook on poly, and the caution I’m feeling about potential partners. ::sigh::