Salou Hack

~Needs~

Today I asked Special Man Friend not to pursue anything with someone who is really making me uncomfortable. I went back and forth about it. Was it a veto? Was it unreasonable? Was I just being a big poly baby? I decided that asking for something was definitely not a veto. I didn’t demand. IContinue reading “~Needs~”

~Reboot~

I keep starting blog posts, then losing interest after a paragraph or two. Or, rather, I start to think to myself, This is dumb, who wants to read about this? And then I try to think of something more interesting, more insightful, more…just more. My draft folder is full of snippets and incomplete thoughts. HereContinue reading “~Reboot~”

~The 200~

Our Poly Network continues to grow. We planned a night out to celebrate our 200th member, and by the time the night rolled around we were at 240. In Boise. It’s what I’ve wanted for such a long time. Community is such an amazing resource. CC and Special Man Friend were in Texas for aContinue reading “~The 200~”

~Worthy~

I asked for something I wanted yesterday. Today I was told, Yes, you can have it. I felt valued, and I felt valuable. I still found myself wondering when the other shoe would drop. I don’t want to be that girl. I want to believe, no, I want to know, that there are good thingsContinue reading “~Worthy~”

~Control~

I like to be in control. It both calms and exacerbates my tendency to panic about things getting done. At least if it’s my responsibility, I know what’s going on. I’m not in suspense about anything. This goes hand in hand with my tendency to procrastinate. Being self aware is a pain in the assContinue reading “~Control~”

~Jealousy~

Oh, jealousy. I was driving to pick up Georgia from a friends house this afternoon, and Pandora spit out Natalie Merchant singing Jealousy. The whole song is comparison and sadness. I really wish I understood jealousy better. I’ve read the idea that jealousy is a manifestation of fear, or insecurity, or grief. I want toContinue reading “~Jealousy~”

~Slice~

I’m amazingly tired. Like “there’s no way this can be normal” tired. It’s frustrating. I have things to do, things that I’m happy to be doing, wonderful things that I’m looking forward to. And….polyamory takes energy, man. Pursuing new connections seems to always fall to the bottom of my list of Very Important Things ToContinue reading “~Slice~”

~Hearts~

We ate steak, at 4:15 in the afternoon, two days before Valentine’s Day. When you’re polyamorous, you have to be flexible; creative. It only bothers me on Christmas, this holiday flexibility, but even then, not as much as in the beginning of my experience with polyamory. I gave him a stack of books, individually wrapped,Continue reading “~Hearts~”

~Progression~

Montana is great. She really is. The other night my two youngest were hanging out in my room before they went to bed, and out of the blue, Georgia says, “Is SMF dating anyone else besides you and CC?” It’s been four years, and while there have been other partners here and there, none haveContinue reading “~Progression~”

~Here~

Arizona was beautiful. Blue skies, cool weather. It was a hard trip, and a good one. Special Man’s parents were kind and welcoming, but ultimately there was much more for them to focus on than worrying about what to think about their married son’s girlfriend. I did what I could to help, and Special Man hadContinue reading “~Here~”