Fear – Page 2 – Poly Nirvana

~Date~

I had a date. A FIRST date, no less. Now, maybe this doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it really was. I think I have first date stage fright. It doesn’t matter if I know my date previously or not, though I will say that blind dates are particularly painful. Especially if it’s someoneContinue reading “~Date~”

~Meh~

I have three or four drafts working for blog posts. Some deep thinking kind of stuff. But it’s not coming together. I want to write, but I can’t find my words. In the morning I start my prep day for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait. I’m excited to have a house full of people. I’m excitedContinue reading “~Meh~”

~Tuesday~

I’ve reread last nights post. Several times. It’s probably the only time I’ve written in the heat of the moment like that. It was reactionary, and emotional. I thought about deleting it, especially as I’m still all worked up and wacky over it. But I can’t delete it. Because it’s a real thing that happensContinue reading “~Tuesday~”

~Fine~

Disclaimer: This is the real poly that goes on in my imperfect life. It is neither enlightened, nor glamorous, despite what you may think of my awesome poly skills. You have been warned. Alright, poly peeps. Let’s say, you’re having a crabby day. And, in an effort to cheer you up, your partner sends youContinue reading “~Fine~”

~Singular~

You know what I kind of love? My one-word titles. It wasn’t always like this, the single word blog post title.But it evolved fairly quickly. Now I find choosing a title, almost as pleasurable as writing a good post. That’s a little weird, right? I don’t care. I’m weird. Sometimes the title comes first. SometimesContinue reading “~Singular~”

~Boundary~

My ex-husband is mentally ill. Not simply mentally ill. He is utterly disabled. It is something that I had to deal with for many years, as he deteriorated, and became more volatile and violent. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and the kids, and sometimes physically abusive. When I took the kids and left,Continue reading “~Boundary~”

~Pout~

Sometimes I look around and wonder what on earth I was thinking. Poly is hard, guys. Special Man has a new interest. I suppose at this point he might refer to her as a girlfriend, though I’ve not heard him say it out loud. I know she considers him a boyfriend. And I know I’mContinue reading “~Pout~”

~Time~

I’m in the mountains this week. It’s green and lovely, and I can hear myself think. My main thought last week: Poly is hard, y’all. This week? Relationships are hard. Special Man and I broke up. Nothing is ever all good, or all bad. No person, no relationship. But poly is especially hard. Especially whenContinue reading “~Time~”

~Year~

One year ago today, I posted my first writing on Poly Nirvana, titled “Perfect Poly”. I actually had written it a year before that, out of frustration with the larger poly community and this feeling of not fitting in anywhere; of not being evolved enough to feel true compersion, or mature enough to not everContinue reading “~Year~”

~So~

My ex-husband is getting married. In two weeks. I found out about this a week ago. Being formerly LDS, and married in the LDS temple, where “eternal marriage” is considered the most holy of ordinances, I received a letter from the church asking me my feelings about him being “sealed” to another woman. “Hallelujah”, IContinue reading “~So~”