Fear – Page 3 – Poly Nirvana

~Knit~

Last week for date night, we stayed in and watched a movie with my kids, and a sweet friend Amy and her kids. Special Man brought over a projector, and we ate tacos and cupcakes and laughed and talked. It was a good night. SM had forgotten something at home, so he ran out forContinue reading “~Knit~”

~Try~

Last night a couple of my demons came out from their hiding places, just to remind me that they are still there. They are smaller, and less threatening than I remember them being, but they still took me by surprise. Special Man and I had a date which for some reason, was difficult for meContinue reading “~Try~”

~Intersection~

This is where my real relationship and my blog writings intersect. Everything I write is true. All of it. It is not, however, the entirety of my relationships. I cannot write enough to adequately represent the fullness of my life and the love that is between me and Special Man Friend. I self-edit, I pickContinue reading “~Intersection~”

~Hurt~

Conflict is painful. Everyone thinks they are right. Nobody wants to be wrong. If you can get to a point that you can even admit that maybe you were wrong, you certainly weren’t that wrong, and there was a very good reason for what you did, or what you said, or how you acted. IContinue reading “~Hurt~”

~Podcast~

No. I’m not doing a podcast. I did, however, get mentioned on the Poly Weekly podcast over the weekend. I noticed a flurry of hits to one of my writings, and traced it back here: http://polyweekly.com/2014/01/pw-380-advice-secondary/ Oddly, I haven’t been able to listen to it. Special Man Friend listened for me, and said it wasContinue reading “~Podcast~”

~Being~

Special Man came and took me for a drive Saturday night. I knew he was coming over and I had mixed feelings about it, because my head was not in a good place. Poly is hard. Some days I daydream about returning to a monogamous mindset and how much easier that might be. Sometimes IContinue reading “~Being~”

~Resting~

I slept thirteen hours last night. Hard. Who sleeps thirteen hours? I spent an hour last night at the local Hobby Lobby, with my baby sister and her fiancee choosing flowers for her wedding in January. I used to dabble with flower arranging, worked a in a flower shop or two, and helped out onContinue reading “~Resting~”

~Swing~

Over the weekend, Special Man and I were in a Dollar Store picking up party supplies, for a “Day of the Dead” themed event I hosted in my home on Saturday night. I’m not sure how we got on the subject of compersion, of all things, as we walked down the medicine aisle, but heContinue reading “~Swing~”

~Happy~

I have a therapist, who I have seen on and off again since 2008. He’s wonderful at reflecting back ME, to myself. I use him when I need to focus. Sometimes I use him just to verbalize what I already know, and need to hear out loud. I saw him this morning. “When are youContinue reading “~Happy~”

~Returning~

I feel as if I’m in some sort of No Man’s Land. I’m doing much better than even last week as far as pain goes, but my body is tired all of the time, if not utterly exhausted. I’m starting to realize how many things I need to take care of, things that were necessarilyContinue reading “~Returning~”