Love – Page 2 – Poly Nirvana

~Love~

I told him once, that I loved him desperately. He replied that he did not love me with a modifier like desperately. I was crushed. I get it now. If desperately was truly how I felt then, it isn’t how I feel now. The adjectives I feel on this day, in this minute, are infinitelyContinue reading “~Love~”

~Footing~

Life is messy. It just is. I started writing my blog because I needed to think out loud. I needed to organize my thoughts, in words, sentences; paragraphs. Along the way people noticed, and that was good too. I got feedback and validation and support. I heard from people who liked that I was soContinue reading “~Footing~”

~Review~

I haven’t been able to eat today. I’ve tried. My brain says eat. But I feel sick. Sick with that dread feeling, when there’s so much spilt milk that you are certain you will never be able to clean it up. There will always be another spot, another drop, another puddle. In the Mormon church,Continue reading “~Review~”

/poly/not poly/

One of my most pleasurable tasks in school, was diagramming sentences. (What can I say, I was an odd child.) The compound predicates and the gerund phrases. The modifiers and the prepositions. Adverbs. Interjections. Subjects and verbs. Every word, analyzed and mapped out. Organized. Every single word had a place. It was perfect. It wasContinue reading “/poly/not poly/”

~Cookies~

I stayed up late last night, baking mediocre cookies and building a gingerbread house. I was so tired. I didn’t want to bake cookes. I wanted to have cookies for today’s monthly poly potluck, which was a holiday cookie exchange, but I am not a baker. I should stick with what I know. I should haveContinue reading “~Cookies~”

~Purple~

After we had been together for three years, he gave me a thing. He had been talking about it for a long time. He wanted my thing to be perfect, so he looked, patiently, with no regard to how long it may take, or how impatient I was with the waiting. It was a lotContinue reading “~Purple~”

~Date~

I had a date. A FIRST date, no less. Now, maybe this doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it really was. I think I have first date stage fright. It doesn’t matter if I know my date previously or not, though I will say that blind dates are particularly painful. Especially if it’s someoneContinue reading “~Date~”

~Smiling~

This morning I woke up happy to be ME. I put on goldenrod colored panties and bra, the prettiest set I own. A well-worn pair of jeans slid over my hips and I felt awesome. I have people who love me. A warm house with room for everyone. I have a car, a job, aContinue reading “~Smiling~”

~Meh~

I have three or four drafts working for blog posts. Some deep thinking kind of stuff. But it’s not coming together. I want to write, but I can’t find my words. In the morning I start my prep day for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait. I’m excited to have a house full of people. I’m excitedContinue reading “~Meh~”

~Tuesday~

I’ve reread last nights post. Several times. It’s probably the only time I’ve written in the heat of the moment like that. It was reactionary, and emotional. I thought about deleting it, especially as I’m still all worked up and wacky over it. But I can’t delete it. Because it’s a real thing that happensContinue reading “~Tuesday~”