My Marriage – Poly Nirvana

~This is what remains.~

The note said, I’m sorry if I left a mess. It didn’t say, I’m sorry I left a mess. That single word, IF, left me fuming. (Today’s emotions are brought to you by the Second Stage of Grief: ANGER, and by my First Night of Real Sleep in ten days.) If? Of course you leftContinue reading “~This is what remains.~”

~Once~

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a man. I was twenty-one. It was time to get married, and he said he loved me back. The stars aligned, just as I had been raised to believe. I called it love. We were engaged after three months, married after another three. It was tumultuous.Continue reading “~Once~”

~Boundary~

My ex-husband is mentally ill. Not simply mentally ill. He is utterly disabled. It is something that I had to deal with for many years, as he deteriorated, and became more volatile and violent. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and the kids, and sometimes physically abusive. When I took the kids and left,Continue reading “~Boundary~”

~So~

My ex-husband is getting married. In two weeks. I found out about this a week ago. Being formerly LDS, and married in the LDS temple, where “eternal marriage” is considered the most holy of ordinances, I received a letter from the church asking me my feelings about him being “sealed” to another woman. “Hallelujah”, IContinue reading “~So~”

~Resting~

I slept thirteen hours last night. Hard. Who sleeps thirteen hours? I spent an hour last night at the local Hobby Lobby, with my baby sister and her fiancee choosing flowers for her wedding in January. I used to dabble with flower arranging, worked a in a flower shop or two, and helped out onContinue reading “~Resting~”

~Memorial~

Today in a thrift store, I found a wedding cake topper that is identical to the one that was on my wedding cake twenty-one years ago. I’d had a vague idea that I wanted to have something to represent the death of my marriage for the Day of the Dead altar I am planning onContinue reading “~Memorial~”

~After~

I came out of an ugly, sixteen year marriage angry and exhausted. A lot of my anger was directed at myself. I had worked so hard to be the wife who didn’t upset him, the woman who didn’t look at him the wrong way, the girl who didn’t say his name in That ToneContinue reading “~After~”