I take my children to Pride every year. We go as allies; though none of us wear signs or nametags to identify ourselves as such. The kids know I have dated across the gender spectrum, but I don’t identify anywhere, with any label. That ambiguity may be my own personal confusion, or something else entirely, but the fact remains that I don’t see polyamory as an orientation; it’s just another way to do relationships. I think we are so far removed from biology when it comes to this subject, that debates about how our “caveman ancestors”, or the bonobos… structured relationships by instinct…make me want to stick forks in my eyeballs.
I choose polyamory and non-monogamy. Some people choose monogamy. And then there are others who choose to present as monogamous, but pursue non-monogamy as a secret vice. No wonder everyone is confused.
More thoughts as we start on Pride season, from Mel Mariposa.
One thought on “~Relevant~”
I agree, at least for myself, that non-monogamy, and non-monogamy in its elevated form (polyamory) is a choice, unlike race, gender-identity, and sexual orientation. People often blur the line with sexual orientation, but I do think its different. Mostly because I think people *more* live on a monogamy/non-monogamy spectrum (and are inherently programmed to be non-monogamous… but often aren’t in touch with that either because of social norms or because they just don’t have the time or the resources to manage multiple connections at the same time). Whereas, most people I know who are Kinsey 0-1 or 5-6 really really really can’t cultivate attraction to the gender other than the one they feel attracted to. That being said, it sucks when people are discriminated against for being in non-binary relationships. I guess its kind of like religion. One chooses whether to adhere to organized religion. One chooses whehter to stick with one partner at a time, or embrace the freedom and complications of more. These choices aren’t biologically pre-determined, although they are influenced by our upbringing and our communities. And to be marginalized or persecuted for living within these choices is abhorrent. These are just my thoughts and opinions – I wouldn’t argue that they are Truths. Other people may feel differently.