Growth – Poly Nirvana

~(untitled)~

When I write, I generally start with a title. Often it’s just a single word, chosen carefully to capture the boiled down essence of what I want to put out into the world, on that. Today I have no title. No message. No common theme. Everything is messy. Half my life is packed into boxes.Continue reading “~(untitled)~”

~Needs~

Today I asked Special Man Friend not to pursue anything with someone who is really making me uncomfortable. I went back and forth about it. Was it a veto? Was it unreasonable? Was I just being a big poly baby? I decided that asking for something was definitely not a veto. I didn’t demand. IContinue reading “~Needs~”

~The 200~

Our Poly Network continues to grow. We planned a night out to celebrate our 200th member, and by the time the night rolled around we were at 240. In Boise. It’s what I’ve wanted for such a long time. Community is such an amazing resource. CC and Special Man Friend were in Texas for aContinue reading “~The 200~”

~Jealousy~

Oh, jealousy. I was driving to pick up Georgia from a friends house this afternoon, and Pandora spit out Natalie Merchant singing Jealousy. The whole song is comparison and sadness. I really wish I understood jealousy better. I’ve read the idea that jealousy is a manifestation of fear, or insecurity, or grief. I want toContinue reading “~Jealousy~”

~Hearts~

We ate steak, at 4:15 in the afternoon, two days before Valentine’s Day. When you’re polyamorous, you have to be flexible; creative. It only bothers me on Christmas, this holiday flexibility, but even then, not as much as in the beginning of my experience with polyamory. I gave him a stack of books, individually wrapped,Continue reading “~Hearts~”

~Progression~

Montana is great. She really is. The other night my two youngest were hanging out in my room before they went to bed, and out of the blue, Georgia says, “Is SMF dating anyone else besides you and CC?” It’s been four years, and while there have been other partners here and there, none haveContinue reading “~Progression~”

~Atlanta~

I did it. I flew to Atlanta, presented two classes at Atlanta Poly Weekend, and flew home. I did not get lost, I did not miss any flights. I navigated an entire three days of high level social interaction, on my own. I knew a handful of people, and that made a huge difference. MyContinue reading “~Atlanta~”

~Flight~

Wendover, Nevada. Oh my goodness: A thirty eight minute flight on a plane which was filled with excited and chatty senior citizens. Special Man Friend found a dirt cheap weekend package, and apparently it’s very popular with the over 65 crowd. It’s been a good giggle. (I know I’m no spring chicken. But come on!Continue reading “~Flight~”

~Onward~

Sometimes a really horrible thing can quickly shift your focus. Reorder your priorities. Give you some clarity. I’ve applied for a new job with a local hospice. I’ve made some peace with Mrs. A. I’m determined to love my people and let myself be loved. I’m also not sleeping well. I dream all night, every night,Continue reading “~Onward~”

~Footing~

Life is messy. It just is. I started writing my blog because I needed to think out loud. I needed to organize my thoughts, in words, sentences; paragraphs. Along the way people noticed, and that was good too. I got feedback and validation and support. I heard from people who liked that I was soContinue reading “~Footing~”