Poly Nirvana

Love, Life and Rational Polyamory


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Save yourself.

The air hostess
with her smiling fingers
sings the speech of The Oxygen Mask,
of putting your own on first
which, of course is (not) selfish
but
we tend to be of no use
to anyone
if we are gasping for breath.

I breathe, somewhere
between
lightheaded, and useless
the soft plastic of the face mask
sweating in my hand.

But the drift is selfish, and I
am not allowed to be
useless
so I pull the mask close to my mouth
and continue to
suffocate.

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~Insipid~

nothing
tastes good
any
more

Salt my fingertips, and take them into your mouth.
Let me feel the wet
thick
of your tongue as it moves
over
and
under.

Pull my mouth to yours
remind me that I am still here
and that a little salt
can save

anyone


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~Listen~

“Stop inviting walls into wide open spaces.”

I saw Buddy Wakefield a few years ago, in a tiny dive bar in downtown Boise. He was too large for the shabby venue, and there was so much awesome in his words that I’m sure the dozen or so people in the audience may have missed it entirely while drinking cheap beer and weak drinks.

I always come back to “The Information Man”, as it about as perfect as can be in giving me blissful ideas and beautiful words. If you don’t like it, that’s okay. Because I will love it enough for both of us.


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~Podcast~

No.  I’m not doing a podcast.

I did, however, get mentioned on the Poly Weekly podcast over the weekend.  I noticed a flurry of hits to one of my writings, and traced it back here:  http://polyweekly.com/2014/01/pw-380-advice-secondary/

Oddly, I haven’t been able to listen to it.  Special Man Friend listened for me, and said it was fine and that I should listen to it, but I’m nervous and self-conscious about the whole thing.  I feel like a little girl who is suddenly looking at her feet and shuffling her toe in the dirt when she gets noticed.  It’s kind of scary.

I’m considering a trip to the Atlanta Poly Weekend in June.  I’m debating submitting a class proposal, but I’d love to just attend and absorb too.  I can’t make my mind up about anything lately.  SMF and I had a big blow up a few days ago, and everything feels tenuous and unclear right now.  I told him tonight, that I needed to take a step back, and figure out what it is that I really need.  One of the last things he said to me earlier, was “Thank you for not breaking up with me tonight.”  I know it was a little bit tongue in cheek.

But only a little bit.