January 2015 – Poly Nirvana

~Flight~

Wendover, Nevada. Oh my goodness: A thirty eight minute flight on a plane which was filled with excited and chatty senior citizens. Special Man Friend found a dirt cheap weekend package, and apparently it’s very popular with the over 65 crowd. It’s been a good giggle. (I know I’m no spring chicken. But come on!Continue reading “~Flight~”

~Onward~

Sometimes a really horrible thing can quickly shift your focus. Reorder your priorities. Give you some clarity. I’ve applied for a new job with a local hospice. I’ve made some peace with Mrs. A. I’m determined to love my people and let myself be loved. I’m also not sleeping well. I dream all night, every night,Continue reading “~Onward~”

~Love~

I told him once, that I loved him desperately. He replied that he did not love me with a modifier like desperately. I was crushed. I get it now. If desperately was truly how I felt then, it isn’t how I feel now. The adjectives I feel on this day, in this minute, are infinitelyContinue reading “~Love~”

~This is what remains.~

The note said, I’m sorry if I left a mess. It didn’t say, I’m sorry I left a mess. That single word, IF, left me fuming. (Today’s emotions are brought to you by the Second Stage of Grief: ANGER, and by my First Night of Real Sleep in ten days.) If? Of course you leftContinue reading “~This is what remains.~”

~Once~

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a man. I was twenty-one. It was time to get married, and he said he loved me back. The stars aligned, just as I had been raised to believe. I called it love. We were engaged after three months, married after another three. It was tumultuous.Continue reading “~Once~”

~Footing~

Life is messy. It just is. I started writing my blog because I needed to think out loud. I needed to organize my thoughts, in words, sentences; paragraphs. Along the way people noticed, and that was good too. I got feedback and validation and support. I heard from people who liked that I was soContinue reading “~Footing~”

~Review~

I haven’t been able to eat today. I’ve tried. My brain says eat. But I feel sick. Sick with that dread feeling, when there’s so much spilt milk that you are certain you will never be able to clean it up. There will always be another spot, another drop, another puddle. In the Mormon church,Continue reading “~Review~”

~Going~

“I’m not gone yet,” the man said. But the girl could not take a deep breath, without the tears coming, so she laid very still, and took only very small breaths, waiting to see what would happen next. She could not imagine being without him, though she was not very good at being with him.Continue reading “~Going~”

~This~

This is the part where the girl’s heart shatters into a million sharp pieces. They say the heart is resilient. But I think they tell stories meant to placate the naive otherwise nobody would love anyone ever again.