October 2014 – Poly Nirvana

~Sometimes~

Sometimes when I want to write, I’ve got nothing to share. At least I feel that way. The truth is, I have a million things I could write about. But I tell myself: Meh. This morning, laying in my bed alone in the dark, listening to my children get ready for school, I found myselfContinue reading “~Sometimes~”

~Yay!~

I just purchased and mapped Polynirvana.com for the blog! I feel so grown up.

~Boundary~

My ex-husband is mentally ill. Not simply mentally ill. He is utterly disabled. It is something that I had to deal with for many years, as he deteriorated, and became more volatile and violent. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and the kids, and sometimes physically abusive. When I took the kids and left,Continue reading “~Boundary~”

~Middle~

“What I’m afraid of,” I told him softly as we were laying in bed, “is that you’ll forget about me.” “Ha,” he said. He was kind of scoffing at me, but he quieted down and just listened. I think. A lot. Special Man sometimes calls me an overthinker, but he knows I hate that, soContinue reading “~Middle~”

~Birthday~

Last weekend I celebrated my birthday with my kids and Special Man and CC. At least that was the plan. We were preparing our Tiny Food (for our Tiny Food party), when my mother walked in. I heard her voice from the kitchen as she walked in. “It’s my mother,” I whispered to SMF. NowContinue reading “~Birthday~”

~Hostage~

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing canContinue reading “~Hostage~”

~Fifteen~

This is an excercise in non-structured structure. I’ve set my timer for fifteen minutes, and I am just going to write. I have been worried and tense lately, and though I usually feel as if I am keeping my head above water, lately I feel myself choking on the seawater more and more frequently. IContinue reading “~Fifteen~”

~Pout~

Sometimes I look around and wonder what on earth I was thinking. Poly is hard, guys. Special Man has a new interest. I suppose at this point he might refer to her as a girlfriend, though I’ve not heard him say it out loud. I know she considers him a boyfriend. And I know I’mContinue reading “~Pout~”

~Pink~

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Pinkie Pie… It doesn’t matter if you know who Pinkie Pie is or not. (But if you do, you are very, very cool.) ~Introduce yourself to people you don’t know yet. Everyone is a potential friend. ~Smile. Smile to make yourself feel better. Smile toContinue reading “~Pink~”

~Universe~

First thing Monday morning, I texted a friend I hadn’t seen for at least a month. ::I had a dream about you last night:: ::Is everything ok?:: It wasn’t a particularly long or involved dream. Nothing screamed DANGER to me. In my dream, I was in an airport, which was very light, with high ceilings,Continue reading “~Universe~”