I used to have big important things to write. I had issues to explore. I thought I could offer something new to the conversations surrounding hierarchy, metamours, conflict in polyamory, and the culture of poly. I had things to say.
Then I got cynical. I got impatient with watching the constant stream of people doing bad poly. Horrible poly. Wrong poly.
And don’t start sending me messages about how “Everyone’s poly is different, and that’s ok.” As the polyamorous community has grown, the poly culture has developed this mantra that judgement is unacceptable, and that everyone gets to define their own poly and we all have to accept that, without question.
I don’t think so. Even more than that, I don’t fucking think so.
I will judge your poly. I judge every person who comes along, who I may be interested in. I want to know what does your poly look like now? What does your dream poly look like? What do you really want from polyamory?
Sometimes the answers give me pause. No, thank you, I think.
Sometimes the answers make me want to scream.
N0, I do not want to be added, or integrated into YOUR relationship. I do not want to fill in the cracks, settle in the spaces, be disposable. I’m vital, I’m exquisitely myself, and either you want all of me, and all of my personhood, or you get nothing from me.
I don’t have time to educate the unicorn hunters. I’m too tired these days.