children – Poly Nirvana

~Progression~

Montana is great. She really is. The other night my two youngest were hanging out in my room before they went to bed, and out of the blue, Georgia says, “Is SMF dating anyone else besides you and CC?” It’s been four years, and while there have been other partners here and there, none haveContinue reading “~Progression~”

~Me~

I have a job interview in the morning. Hospice. It’s a completely new area for me. I’ve been in labor and delivery for almost nine years, and the idea of doing something new is terrifying and exciting. I don’t know if this is something that will work for me, but I am happy to have somethingContinue reading “~Me~”

~Flight~

Wendover, Nevada. Oh my goodness: A thirty eight minute flight on a plane which was filled with excited and chatty senior citizens. Special Man Friend found a dirt cheap weekend package, and apparently it’s very popular with the over 65 crowd. It’s been a good giggle. (I know I’m no spring chicken. But come on!Continue reading “~Flight~”

~Onward~

Sometimes a really horrible thing can quickly shift your focus. Reorder your priorities. Give you some clarity. I’ve applied for a new job with a local hospice. I’ve made some peace with Mrs. A. I’m determined to love my people and let myself be loved. I’m also not sleeping well. I dream all night, every night,Continue reading “~Onward~”

~Love~

I told him once, that I loved him desperately. He replied that he did not love me with a modifier like desperately. I was crushed. I get it now. If desperately was truly how I felt then, it isn’t how I feel now. The adjectives I feel on this day, in this minute, are infinitelyContinue reading “~Love~”

~This is what remains.~

The note said, I’m sorry if I left a mess. It didn’t say, I’m sorry I left a mess. That single word, IF, left me fuming. (Today’s emotions are brought to you by the Second Stage of Grief: ANGER, and by my First Night of Real Sleep in ten days.) If? Of course you leftContinue reading “~This is what remains.~”

~Once~

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a man. I was twenty-one. It was time to get married, and he said he loved me back. The stars aligned, just as I had been raised to believe. I called it love. We were engaged after three months, married after another three. It was tumultuous.Continue reading “~Once~”

~Review~

I haven’t been able to eat today. I’ve tried. My brain says eat. But I feel sick. Sick with that dread feeling, when there’s so much spilt milk that you are certain you will never be able to clean it up. There will always be another spot, another drop, another puddle. In the Mormon church,Continue reading “~Review~”

~Hi~

I’ve got holiday burnout. (What? Already?) Yep. I think my enthusiasm tank was running low after Georgia’s surgery, which I haven’t written much about. There were complications. She’s fine. Mostly. Yesterday we had our “official” Christmas dinner. We did it early. I am working the Christmas holiday this year, which means I work 12 hoursContinue reading “~Hi~”

~Cookies~

I stayed up late last night, baking mediocre cookies and building a gingerbread house. I was so tired. I didn’t want to bake cookes. I wanted to have cookies for today’s monthly poly potluck, which was a holiday cookie exchange, but I am not a baker. I should stick with what I know. I should haveContinue reading “~Cookies~”