I’m thirty four thousand feet above the earth.  In a few hours, I’ll be in Phoenix. My sister, will pick me up from the airport, but I’m going for Special Man Friend.

His Dad is dying.

“Is his wife here?” she asked me when I said I was coming. When I said she was not, Sister said, “Well that’s weird.  I don’t understand it, but I’m glad you’re coming.”

He’s important to me and I’m going. I think I can be helpful.  I have tried to pinpoint why that comment bothers me so much. It’s mononormative, yes. But it also somehow made me feel like Just The Girlfriend.

Sister is accepting and supportive. She offered a few days ago to take SMF’s family dinner or anything else they might need. SMF has told his family about me.  His momma has seen pictures of me.  She wants to meet me.  I’m tickled.

And terrified.

I love that it’s January.  I love that each year has a beginning and an end.  There’s a little bit of a mental reset button for me.

January 9th marks one year since my exhusbands suicide, and I am feeling it.  The kid are too, though only one has actually said anything.  I’m not sure exactly what to do or say about it.

I’ve been kind of lonely lately.  I’m not sure exactly what to do about that either.

I’ve got a new project in the works that I’m so excited about! More about that coming in the next few weeks.

The local poly community continues to grow here.  It’s starting to self propel, which is pretty wonderful.  We are still faithfully having monthly potlucks and discussion groups, plus other assorted social gatherings, and our online local group is up to 170 people, which is pretty amazing considering we don’t advertise or actively recruit.  It’s fun to watch everyone come together and form friendships and relationships.  I feel like a mother hen.  (A cute mother hen.)

PS If you are in Idaho and would like to connect with local poly people, send me an email at polynirvana@gmail.com.