Today I asked Special Man Friend not to pursue anything with someone who is really making me uncomfortable. I went back and forth about it. Was it a veto? Was it unreasonable? Was I just being a big poly baby?
I decided that asking for something was definitely not a veto. I didn’t demand. I didn’t mandate. I didn’t say, “You may not see her.” I made a request.
It was through text, as a good portion of our relationship takes place while we are apart. This is what I said.
“I am uncomfortable with Madam X right now. Knock yourself out with Librarian tonight, but please don’t move forward with Madam X right now. I’m asking.”
Special Man Friend gets some serious Gold Poly Stars tonight. He wasn’t defensive. He listened and he said, “I will make a point not to.” He asked me if something had instigated this, and I told him we could talk about it later, and it was done.
“Thank you for listening to me,” I said. Or texted, rather.
I didn’t feel like I was doing bad poly, in fact, I felt like I was doing freaking AWESOME poly. I communicated and he responded. I didn’t stew or agonize. I. Just. Asked.
Would I have felt the same, if he had said: No? And that he wanted to see Madam X regardless of how I felt? Is it his response that makes me feel like, Hey, this is good poly right here… or is it the fact that I asked for what I wanted without beating myself up about it…?
I feel good tonight. I feel polycompetent.