This morning I had a small explosion of page views on a post from about six months ago, titled “Five Things Your Metamour Wants You To Know”. I was surprised, but the internet is unpredictable, and I was happy to see it pop up again, as it is the inspiration for one of the sessions I’m presenting at Beyond The Love in two weeks. I’ve been just a little worried about this one, as my personal story with metamour relations has not been a blissful fairytale, but we both keep trying, and I think that speaks volumes.
Poly is hard. I ran across a discussion online that started with an article debating whether or not Polyamory was a choice or rather, an orientation. And seriously, all I could think was “Who cares?” Maybe I’m not academic enough in my poly. All the talk of anthropological analysis, and how our ancient ancestors were wired, and whether or not the animal kingdom embraces patriarchal fidelity or how biological reproductive drives fuel sociological relationship structures… I don’t care. I. just. Don’t. Care.
What I care about is mindfulness. Self-awareness. Making good choices, for me, whether or not there are ancient natural biological urges to be monogamous or non-monogamous. Maybe the intellectual dissection of polyamory is interesting and important, but I am so present-focused on being in my relationship, that I get weary of the constant back and forth.
I received an email today with the subject header, POLYAMOROUS POLITICAL ACTIVISM CONCLAVE FEB 23 2014: BERKLEY, CALIF.
I’ll be skipping that one.
Poly Nirvana 
This reminds me a bit of the debate about whether or not people are born gay or not. Who gives a shit, they’re just gay?! Thanks for the post, I enjoyed it. 🙂
I agree that self awareness and mindfulness are awesome and amazing! But I think the status of poly as an orientation (much like sexual orientation) is rather important for people who seek certain basic civil rights. If being poly (or gay) is truly a choice, then we deserve no protections under any civil rights statutes. We can be fired because of our relationships. We can be denied next of kin rights. Our children can be taken up by CPS upon the untimely deaths of our partners. We can lose thousands of dollars in tax benefits. We can be denied partner based health insurance.
I wish this didn’t matter. I wish we lived in a society that doesn’t care who you love or why you love the people you do. But we live in a society where a large portion of the population think they have the right to take away the rights of others for what they do with other adults in their private time. Pretty fucked up, I think!
You are a brilliant writer and a strong voice in the poly community. While you may not need or desire the rights that others are fighting for, I hope you will consider supporting the “cause” nevertheless. And let’s look forward to a future where this conversation is moot!
Thanks again for your thoughtfulness and your way with words. I really appreciate you and the way you make my day a little better. 🙂